Well, I am not very good at this whole "blogging" thing... so I do apologize.  Things so quickly change.  Kerry and I were hoping to serve on this mission together, but we have been unable to find anyone to help with the girls, so I will be going alone.  I did offer to stay home with them and let Kerry go, but he has insisted.  He believes I have a purpose to fulfill on this mission.  Sometimes he has more faith than I do.  As I was questioning myself the other night he reminded me of my trip to Sudan.  At times I felt that I had not contributed much to that mission trip.

We were there to deliver medical supplies to a clinic and to bring equipment and supplies for the construction of a medical clinic.  We brought presses to make mud bricks and concrete.  We had a large number of first aid supplies to leave as well.  The only prescription meds we had were those that had been prescribed for us in case they were needed.  As we sat by our tents one morning a mother and infant came to see us.  The baby, Alwel, had had continuous diarrhea for a number of days.  She was growing weaker and the mother was concerned. We debated at great length about our options.  Finally, with much prayer, I decided I would treat her with antibiotics that had been prescribed for me.  I DON'T recommend this.  While I have worked in hospitals a good portion of my life I am NOT a doctor or a nurse.  I made guesstimations on her weight and the amount of medication that seemed reasonable.  I mixed up a solution of sugar water and medication and gave it to her for a number of days.  Each time I just prayed she wouldn't go into shock or have an allergic reaction of some kind.  In a few days the dirrhea had abated and she was on the road to recovery.  I don't KNOW what would have happened if we had not been there, but the mortality rate is high.  Her mother was so thankful and blessed me for saving her daughter's life.  I don't take credit for that as I could have just as easily killed her.  And she may have gotten better on her own.  If anything, I was just available to her.  She was just turning one and her mother asked that I would come back to celebrate her next birthday with her as I was now a part of her life.  I wish I could have made that promise. 

Kerry said to me.... even if you did nothing else, can you say it was not worth it to be there for Alwel.  Can you say you would be comfortable NOT going if you had known one small life was in your hands?  No, I can't.  I am not responsible for saving Alwel's life by any means.  But if I was part of that process, a means, a vessel, then no, I can't say it is not worth it.

I do not know the full purpose of my participation in this trip.  I do not know the possible outcomes.  Yet, I cannot live with myself,   or honestly, I cannot live with my children and their expectations if I am not doing everything I can to help those in need. 

My girls break my heart when they pray at night  "Dear God, please help the people in Africa to just live a little longer until my mom can come and help them and bring more medicine.  Help them to stop killing each other and to know that we love them and want to help them.  My mom will bring as much as she can to help and to give them hugs from us."  If only we could live up to our children's expectations.... If only.....